Here I am:
I have no job, not many savings, but a lot of bad habits I want to change. How did it get this far? Well, let me give you a brief look into my life. When I was 6, my parents got divorced. After that, I had hard times to cope with this situation. When I was at my father‘s during vacation, he used to tell stories about his past with my mom, stories that made her look pretty bad. This broke me inside, so nowadays I see this as some kind of brainwashing. To this time I was a small child. Therefore I couldn‘t make him stop, I lacked confidence. As I became older this changed. I told my father to keep these stories for himself. Unfortunately, many other unjust situations in my family happened. The worst one was my muslim stepfather threatening to kill me in an argument. All of these situations where I was often told to just get along with, made me want to address it openly. I was fed up with keeping my mouth shut all the time. From my early childhood on I always had to get along with situations I didn‘t want: school, cultural issues, relationship between my parents, etc.. From my experience I wanted to help others with their problems. Therefore I became an educator and a political activist.
It was more than just a job.
I worked with youths and children. On a personal basis, this worked out pretty good. I had a good relation to my clients and could support them. I found something that made me happy, that completed me. Unfortunately also this had a dark side: The system I used to work in was so strickt, that I hadn‘t much freedom to work with my clients on their development. Often I had tasks that were completely destructive. For example, there was an institution for youths who had personal issues. The most important goal for this institution was to make these kids succeed in school. Due to the problems these youths had, they weren‘t able to „learn“ in school. Therefore, my colleagues used drugs (Rilatin). I became frustrated, because I recognized the potential these young people had, but it had been destroyed by the system I worked in. I used to work for several institutions: From Kindergarden, to youth clubs or mental health stations. No matter wich institution I worked for, sooner or later I recognized the same problem: Educators didn‘t listen to their client‘s needs and kept them in a destructive system. I could have an impact in their everyday life, but on the long run the system didn‘t really help them.
A short movie I produced for a project I did with the kids
The rabbit hole
During my education I began to question my life: education of my parents, school in general and, due to youtube, more and more stuff I was told generally. „Wearechange“, „infowars“ and many other alternative information sources made me question nearly everything. At this time a movement started, that was organized by normal people without any organization behind: vigils for peace. Everybody could get involved and speak openly about issues on the streets. Soon I joined this movement and held speeches every week on all the things that bothered me in society. Finally I had a platform to talk about the things I couldn‘t in my family. I had people around who understood my problems and felt accepted. After 1,5 years I left this movement and started my youtube channel. I produced emotional short films to wake people up. Also I talked about all the things that bothered me in society and politics. I did interviews, have been interviewed by others and went to various libertarian events. During this time I learned a lot. From the beginning on I had issues to keep the distance to political topics. I got so mad at the people around me for ignoring all the obvious problems.
Since 2015 the situation got worse.
As you know situation in Germany got pretty intense the last years. Open borders politics flood our country with problems Germany nowadays cannot handle anymore. Mass stabbings, rapes and the persecution of anyone questioning this politics has become part of our everyday life. People are afraid to talk about their fears openly with their friends, families and coworkers. Mainstream media is brainwashing the people more and more. Many people in Germany are fed up with this situation. Especially women who are being sexually harassed in the streets are mad. Therefore they go on the streets, protest and started a women‘s movement against violence from migrants #120db. Also the Identitarian Movement is still growing and protesting. The more people openly fight against this situation, the more aggressive leftist terrorists become. Recently they attacked a woman who organized a protest against Merkel by throwing a rock through the window of her child‘s room and smearing brown color on the wall.
A short film I produced to motivate people to go on the streets against open borders politics
It is not easy to handle.
Several times a day I checked my newsfeed in facebook which was full with these negative news. Though I couldn‘t stop reading them. There were moments I realized this an tried to find a way to cope with it. For several times I quit on facebook completly. Also, I tried to unsubscribe to all the people posting negative content. No matter what I did, I got lost in my work as a political activist/ blogger. I wasn‘t able to concentrate on my own needs, didn‘t do any sports and ate unhealthy.
I had to go away.
The situation with my job and the overall situation in Germany frustrated me a lot. I lived from day to day and didn‘t have real goals I wanted to reach. As I realized how bad the situation got, I decided to quit on my job and to go away from Germany for a while. Anarchapulco was the perfect event that made this decision clear to me. So here I am, far away from home, writing this article. The distance gives me a clear perspective from a third person on all the things that went wrong. I don‘t know where this path will take me. I don‘t know how to cope with this situation in Germany and I don‘t know how I will be able to live a healthy life, but I am willing to change. No matter what it takes to be happy again, I will do it. I don‘t want to die frustrated one day. I don‘t want to get lost in politics. I want to grow and to have a positive impact on the planet. This is the toughest challenge of my life. I take it, no matter what.